


a secret too big to keep

by carminare



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, Fukurodani's done with them, Getting Together, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, akaashi keiji loves bokuto koutarou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:55:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23500111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carminare/pseuds/carminare
Summary: Akaashi Keiji has a secret that threatens to swallow him whole. It's heavy and terrifying but maybe it's okay.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 18
Kudos: 247





	a secret too big to keep

**Author's Note:**

> Happy BokuAka Day! Have something sappy because why not!

Akaashi Keiji had a secret. He thought of it at night when his brain was too active to fall asleep and he thought of it during quiet walks under the stars, but for most of his time, he forgot it existed. It was an important part of himself but it was such a basic and core element, he sometimes forgot it was there until it hit him in the face. Training camps, tournaments, midterms, finals, there were so many things in his mind at all times, it wasn’t surprising some things would slip away. That training camp in which Karasuno joined them for the first time Keiji had been busy. The upcoming tournament was the last of their third years, it was their last chance to win them all. Keiji would never admit it but he was scared of the things to come, and he knew that all he could do was hope his best would be enough for them to have more time on the court, for them to still be the team Keiji loved so much. So, Keiji wasn’t thinking of his secret, he was too worried honing his skills and trying to think of new things they could try to get stronger.

It was a surprise to him, then, how hard it hit him in the face, how it made his stomach turn the moment when Bokuto started telling Tsukishima about his _moment_. Keiji stood there quietly with his hands behind his back, listening carefully at every word that came out of Bokuto’s mouth, watching intently at the fire in Bokuto’s eyes. He wasn’t surprised at Tsukishima’s reaction to Bokuto’s intensity and wisdom, but he was unsure if it would be enough to sway him. Keiji hoped it was. They practiced after that and Tsukishima seemed more interested, which in turn made it hard for Bokuto to go through his blocks, which helped them both to come up with a solution. It was difficult and the work almost made him forget. 

When practice was over, they ate and showered and got ready for bed. Keiji stayed outside for a while, using the excuse that he had to review their statistics for the day and didn’t want to bother anyone with the bright screen. He sat on the grass and _did_ go through their wins and loses, their hits and misses, but nothing meant much to him, he was too distracted. His stomach kept turning and his head was fuzzy. 

“‘kaashi?” he heard Bokuto ask somewhere behind him and he sighed. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, Bokuto-san,” he lied, voice steady. “I was just revising today’s games.”

Bokuto was quiet while he sat down next to Keiji, so close Keiji could feel Bokuto’s body heat. His hair was wet and down, making him look rounder, less angular.

“You don’t have to lie to me, you know?” Bokuto said softly. Keiji frowned. “You were out of it tonight, after Tsukki came to practice.”

Keiji’s heart was in shambles. All he could say was, “I’m fine.”

Bokuto looked at him and smiled softly, a bit sad. “I know you, ‘kaashi, but sometimes you drift off and I can’t come up with a reason for it.”

Keiji sighed again. There were two things he could do. He could avoid the subject and talk about nerves and fears and he wouldn’t be lying but it wouldn’t be the truth either; Bokuto would probably accept it anyway, even if he knew something else was the matter, he was kind like that. Or he could tell the truth and deal with the consequences. He looked at Bokuto for a second and his expression was so worried it made his doubts go away. There was no way someone like Bokuto would react badly to the truth.

Keiji looked at the stars and took a deep breath and when he let it out the truth came out with it.

“I never told you about _my_ moment, did I? The moment that made me appreciate volleyball? I didn’t have great ambition when I came to Fukurodani, I wasn’t expecting to win every game, I didn’t even expect to be a regular.” Keiji laughed softly and closed his eyes. He could feel Bokuto staring at him. “I came to Fukurodani because I saw you play once during my last year of junior high and I thought _if only I could be closer to him_. It felt like you were pulling me towards you. If only you could’ve seen yourself. You were so impressive out there on the court.”

Keiji’s voice had taken a dreamy tone and he smiled at the memory. Bokuto Koutarou was a star with a gravitational pull too strong to fight. Keiji didn’t even want to try.

“Anyway,” he continued, sobering up a little, “it was very surprising to me that you wanted my tosses, that you seemed to actually like them. I was starstruck. But I still didn’t have the drive that you seemed to have. Until that one game when your straights became untouchable.”

Keiji dared a glance at Bokuto and his face was so surprised at the implications of what he was saying it made Keiji laugh softly. “We practiced so much to get there, it was so satisfying, but what made it for me was seeing you up there in the air, right before you struck the ball. It was like being 14 again and seeing this 15 year old shining brighter than anything I had ever seen. And I realized _I_ could do that, _I_ could work harder than ever before and make _you_ look like that in the air. It was life changing.”

Keiji took a deep breath and steadied himself. With every ounce of bravery he had in his body he spoke the truth. “It was what made me realize I was in love with you.”

The silence that followed was deafening. The only thing Keiji could hear were the songs the cicadas sang and the loud beating of his own heart. Keiji’s eyes were stuck on the stars, afraid of what he’d find if he turned toward Bokuto. He was aware of his shallow breathing and of how still Bokuto was next to him. He hadn’t realized he was playing with his hands until Bokuto put his own over them. 

“Akaashi,” Bokuto said and he sounded so serious Keiji could do nothing else but look at him, an apology forming on his lips. But the expression on his face was more one of awe than of anger. Keiji let himself hope. “For someone so smart you can be really dumb.”

Keiji must have made a very surprised face because Bokuto laughed loudly and the sound traveled through every cell in Keiji’s body.

“Exactly how many times have I told you how you’re my favorite person ever? I thought you knew! I thought I was being so obvious!” Bokuto laughed softer this time and the soft look on his face brought a lump to Keiji’s throat. “‘kaashi, I’m in love with you. Have been for like forever.”

Keiji wasn’t sure he was hearing right, wasn’t sure if he was awake at all, but it didn’t matter. The stars were shining in Bokuto’s eyes and his smile was big and beautiful and Keiji was so in love with him he felt like he could die, that this much love inside him could kill him. Dream or not, Keiji wanted nothing more than to grab Bokuto by his coat and kiss him, needily, hungrily. Bokuto held him and kissed him back just as eager. His lips were soft and his breath was warm and Keiji’s entire body was alive. A shiver ran down from his nape all the way to his toes when Bokuto’s tongue touched his own. His breathing was hectic and his fingers hurt where they were holding Bokuto’s coat as if his life depended on it.

Bokuto drew away first, taking quick, short breaths, a big smile on his face. Keiji refused to let him go, not when there was still a chance none of this was real.

“Keiji,” Bokuto said softly and the whimper that left Keiji’s lips was involuntary but he didn’t have it in him to feel shame at that moment. “I’m not going anywhere. It’s okay.”

Bokuto took Keiji’s hands and gently pulled them away, intertwining their fingers. Keiji felt like crying. He rested his forehead against Bokuto’s shoulder and let out a shaky breath. The stars were living inside of him, he could see them when he closed his eyes, he could feel them tenderly in his lips, they fluttered around in his chest. It had to be late but Keiji allowed himself a moment of ignorance to enjoy the way Bokuto kissed the top of his head. Then, he raised his head and looked at Bokuto, his cheeks reddened when his gaze instinctively searched his lips.

“We need to sleep,” Keiji said, thankful his voice sounded normal. “Otherwise you might wake up grumpy from not sleeping enough.”

The way Bokuto looked at him made him weak. “I don’t see how I could wake up grumpy after tonight.”

“Come on,” Keiji muttered, trying to hide the blush that surely covered his face. Bokuto laughed.

They walked hand in hand to the room where their team was staying, trying to be as quiet as possible so as not to wake anyone up. Their futons were already next to each other but they made sure to have them touching, as close as they could, and laid down face to face, hands clasped together. Keiji didn’t think he’d be able to sleep as long as he could see Bokuto’s face, so he inched closer and buried his face onto Bokuto’s chest and sighed at the way Bokuto’s arms wrapped around him and at how his strong heart beat. He didn’t know when he fell asleep but when he woke up his head was resting on Bokuto’s chest and his hand was under his shirt and Bokuto’s arms were still around him, his face was buried in Keiji’s hair. He realized too late that the team was standing above them, phones in hand, smirking smugly, like they knew this would happen eventually. They laughed when Keiji glared at them —all except Onaga, who just blushed and looked away—, and gave him space to get up.

Konoha would knowingly send him the pictures later in the day and Keiji would set one of them as his lockscreen. But right then, he called Bokuto’s name softly, trying to wake him up, and he laughed when Bokuto hugged him and tried to get him to lay down again. Keiji kissed his cheek and his temple and his nose and his lips, he kissed him and kissed him until Bokuto was laughing and the team was making gagging sounds.

Akaashi Keiji had had a secret that had threaten to drown him but right then and there he was free of it and the only weight on top of him was Bokuto’s body and the rest of the team trying to crush them both.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos and comments are always welcome!  
> Come scream with me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/keijiis)!


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